DESIRE- Your partner needs to feel attractive and admired by you. They need to feel needed- like they are an essential part of your life. You’ve got to show affection toward them- kisses on the forehead, back rubs, holding hands- these little things matter. Fulfill them in every way- create intimacy, connection, opportunities to show, give and receive love (yes guys- sex counts:)
LOYALTY- Commitment that you can work through any problem and overcome any obstacle together. You must be faithful in all aspects (If your sister is talking about your husband- shut her down! That’s YOUR man- have his back!). Let you partner know that you are a safe place- they can confide in you and share what is in their heart because they can trust you. Be reliable- your partner should have confidence that you are going to do what you say you are going to do. Your partner may also need reassurance- “I’ve got your back” or “We can do this” or “I’m with you all the way”- not a sign of your partner’s weakness but a need for “togetherness” This includes the expectation that you are honest and truthful.
4 A’s of RESPECT- 1) Admiration, 2) Appreciation, 3) Acknowledgement, 4) Acceptance. These are pivotal in showing high regard or high esteem to your partner for who they are in your life. Show your partner how valuable they are to you- honor them by showing how much respect you have for them.
STABILITY- Offer support in every sense of the word to create a stable environment for your marriage to thrive. Whether it’s financial, emotional, domestic- this is important. Support may also mean giving your partner space- time to do things they enjoy or quality time by themselves (time to watch the game on Sunday, go golfing or go to the spa). BUT- stability means balance. Too much space or even too much attention (overbearing) can be harmful to the relationship. BALANCE IS KEY and both of you have to determine what is required to create stability in your relationship.
CONNECTION- This is required on sooooo many levels. Disconnect over time is a leading factor in divorce. When you can’t communicate, when you can’t “feel” your partner, when there is distance or you begin to feel incompatible- this can lead to MAJOR problems. Being able to talk about your feelings without judgment or ridicule is important to feeling unconditional love and acceptance. Being able to share your thoughts without resistance (feeling like you’re talking to a brick wall). Friendship and intimacy are key components of connection- keep these high on your priority list of ways to keep your marriage fresh and new. Laugh together, cry together, enjoy each other- this helps to keep you connected.
So basically, you can’t just say “I love you.” You’re actions have to show it- DAILY. Love must be reinforced- it takes action- it must be consistent. Saying I love you today doesn’t exactly show me love tomorrow. It may sound ridiculous, but I assure you- when you meet your partner’s needs (the way they need it- not the way you think you should show it)- the love you feel in return is soooo worth the work you put in just to express how much you appreciate having them in your life. Want a successful marriage- add these ingredients into your mix and CREATE THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT!